Has your life ever felt so chaotic that you felt as if you were hanging on to the back bumper of a speeding car? Your feet were flying out behind you, and you didn’t dare let go. The wind was blowing your hair back and the rushing wind made it difficult to keep your eyes open so you couldn’t see where you were headed. You wanted to scream, “STOP! I can’t take it anymore!”

I have discovered that people are so stressed to the maximum right now  that many cannot sit still or concentrate. They can’t comprehend what is being said to them.  Their attention span is miniscule.  They’re short tempered.  They fidget. They’re disorganized.  Their lives and their minds are chaos.  Their joints ache.  They feel feverish. They can’t sleep. They either don’t eat or they can’t stop eating. They have cravings like chocolate. They feel sick all the time. They even have chest pain. And many couples don’t care about sex.

Are you hanging off the back of that speeding car?  You’re not alone.  Dr. Kashouty, a diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology (ABPN) at the Premier and Wellness Center says that it is important to understand how our body processes stress. In the simplest terms, stress is basically the “fight or flight” response to a perceived threat. This activates the amygdala, or “fear center” of the brain, and causes a cascade of events. These include the production of the stress hormone cortisol, an increase in glucose levels, increased heart rate, and an increase in blood flow to the muscles in the arms and legs. After the threat has passed, then the body will eventually return to normal.   

But, what about chronic stress? 

In the case of chronic stress, however, the fear center of the brain is constantly activated, meaning that the body is in a constant state of stress. Cortisol levels are also constantly elevated, which can eventually start to cause problems with digestion, sleeping, and the immune system. Not only that, but when one part of the brain is constantly engaged, it is postulated that the other parts of the brain may not have enough energy to carry out their own functions properly. As a result, here are six ways that stress can affect the brain: 

Impairs Memory

One effect of chronic stress that researchers have observed is memory impairment.  Specifically, it has been noted that people who are stressed tend to be more forgetful and less likely to remember specific information. Researchers believe that even minor stress, such as being late to work, can cause you to forget simple things like where your keys are. One study performed on older rats even noted that high levels of cortisol caused short-term memory declines. According to Dr. Kerry Ressler, chief scientific officer at McLean Hospital and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, “The basic idea is that the brain is shunting its resources because it’s in survival mode, not memory mode”. 

Changes the Brain’s Structure

Your brain is composed of both gray matter and white matter. Gray matter is used for decision-making and problem-solving, while white matter is used to connect regions of the brain and communicate information. It has been noted that during times of chronic stress, the myelin sheaths that make up white matter become overproduced, while less gray matter is produced. When this happens, there can be an imbalance in gray and white matter. In some cases, this results in permanent changes to the brain’s structure. 

More Susceptible to Mental Illness

An imbalance between white and gray matter can also play a role in the development of mental illness. The theory is that having excess myelin in certain areas of the brain interferes with the timing and balance of communication. It was also noted that chronic stress can negatively alter hippocampal function. The hippocampus is involved in memory, specifically spatial memory, memory consolidation, and memory transfer. 

Stress Kills Brain Cells

It has been suggested by researchers that chronic stress can even kill new neurons in the brain’s hippocampus. The hippocampus is one of only two locations where neurons are produced. Despite the fact that the formation of new neurons does not seem to be affected, research shows that new neurons produced during periods of stress are more likely to die within a week. 

Stress Shrinks the Brain

While the overall volume of the brain tends to remain about the same, it has been found that chronic stress in otherwise healthy individuals can cause areas of the brain associated with emotions, metabolism, and memory to shrink. Chronic stress also made people more likely to experience brain shrinkage when exposed to intense stressors. This means that people under constant stress may find it harder to deal with future stress. 

But, wait!  There is a positive note! 

Improves Cognitive Function

Stress is not all bad for your brain. In fact, moderate stress can actually improve brain performance by strengthening the connection between neurons in the brain. This helps to improve memory and attention span in order to make you more productive overall. This is why some people tend to perform “better under pressure”.

So what can we do about stress?    Because we MUST do something!

Jillian Kubala, MS, RD and Kerri-Ann Jennings, MS write that there are 15 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress:

1. Get more physical activity 
If you’re feeling stressed, moving your body on a consistent basis may help.

A 6-week study in 185 university students found that participating in aerobic exercise 2 days per week significantly reduced overall perceived stress and perceived stress due to uncertainty. Plus, the exercise routine significantly improved self-reported depression.

Many other studies have shown that engaging in physical activity helps reduce stress levels and improve mood, while sedentary behavior may lead to increased stress, poor mood, and sleep disturbances.

What’s more, regular exercise has been shown to improve symptoms of common mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.

If you’re currently inactive, start with gentle activities such as walking or biking. Choosing an activity that you enjoy may help increase your chances of sticking to it in the long term.

2. Follow a healthy diet 
Your diet affects every aspect of your health, including your mental health.

Studies show that people who follow a diet high in ultra-processed foods and added sugar are more likely to experience higher perceived stress levels.

Being chronically stressed may lead you to overeat and reach for highly palatable foods, which may harm your overall health and mood.

Plus, not eating enough nutrient-dense whole foods may increase your risk of deficiencies in nutrients that are essential for regulating stress and mood, such as magnesium and B vitamins.

Minimizing your intake of highly processed foods and beverages and eating more whole foods such as vegetables, fruits, beans, fish, nuts, and seeds can help ensure that your body is properly nourished. In turn, this may improve your resilience to stress.

3. Minimize phone use and screen time  
Smartphones, computers, and tablets are an unavoidable part of everyday life for many people.

While these devices are often necessary, using them too often may increase stress levels.

A number of studies have linked excessive smartphone use and “iPhone addiction” with increased levels of stress and mental health disorders.

Spending too much time in front of screens in general is associated with lower psychological well-being and increased stress levels in both adults and kids.

Furthermore, screen time may negatively affect sleep, which may also lead to increased stress levels.

4. Consider supplements
Several vitamins and minerals play an important role in your body’s stress response and mood regulation. As such, a deficiency in one or more nutrients may affect your mental health and ability to cope with stress.

Plus, some studies show that certain dietary supplements may help reduce stress and improve mood.

For example, when you’re chronically stressed, your magnesium levels may become depleted.

Since this mineral plays an important role in your body’s stress response, it’s important to make sure you’re getting enough each day. Supplementing with magnesium has been shown to improve stress in chronically stressed people.

An 8-week study in 264 people with low magnesium found that taking 300 mg of this mineral daily helped reduce stress levels. Combining this dose of magnesium with vitamin B6 was even more effective.

Other supplements, including rhodiola, ashwagandha, B vitamins, and L-theanine, have been shown to help reduce stress as well.

However, dietary supplements may not be appropriate or safe for everyone. Consult a healthcare professional if you’re interested in using supplements to help relieve stress.

5. Practice self-care
Setting aside time to practice self-care may help reduce your stress levels. Practical examples include:

• going for a walk outside
• taking a bath
• lighting candles
• reading a good book
• exercising
• preparing a healthy meal
• stretching before bed
• getting a massage
• practicing a hobby
• using a diffuser with calming scents
• practicing yoga
• chewing gum
• keeping a gratitude journal
• laugh more

Studies show that people who engage in self-care report lower levels of stress and improved quality of life, while a lack of self-care is associated with higher risk of stress and burnout.

Taking time for yourself is essential in order to live a healthy life. This is especially important for people who tend to be highly stressed, including nurses, doctors, teachers, and caretakers.

Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate or complicated. It simply means tending to your well-being and happiness.

Exposure to certain scents via candles or essential oils may be especially calming. Here are a few relaxing scents:

• lavender
• rose
• vetiver
• bergamot
• Roman chamomile
• neroli
• frankincense
• sandalwood
• ylang-ylang
• orange or orange blossom
• geranium

Using scents to boost your mood is called aromatherapy. Several studies suggest that aromatherapy can decrease anxiety and improve sleep.

6. Reduce your caffeine intake

Caffeine is a chemical found in coffee, tea, chocolate, and energy drinks that stimulates your central nervous system.

Consuming too much may worsen and increase feelings of anxiety

Plus, overconsumption may harm your sleep. In turn, this may increase stress and anxiety symptoms.

People have different thresholds for how much caffeine they can tolerate. If you notice that caffeine makes you jittery or anxious, consider cutting back by replacing coffee or energy drinks with decaffeinated herbal tea or water.

Although many studies show that coffee is healthy in moderation, it’s recommended to keep caffeine intake under 400 mg per day, which equals 4–5 cups (0.9–1.2 L) of coffee.

Still, people who are sensitive to caffeine may experience increased anxiety and stress after consuming much less caffeine than this, so it’s important to consider your individual tolerance.

7. Spend time with friends and family
Social support from friends and family may help you get through stressful times and cope with stress.

A study that in 163 ​​Latinx young adults in college associated lower levels of support from friends, family, and romantic partners with loneliness, depressive symptoms, and perceived stress

Having a social support system is important for your overall mental health. If you’re feeling alone and don’t have friends or family to depend on, social support groups may help. Consider joining a club or sports team or volunteering for a cause that’s important to you.

8. Create boundaries and learn to say no
Not all stressors are within your control, but some are. Putting too much on your plate may increase your stress load and limit the amount of time you can spend on self-care.

Taking control over your personal life may help reduce stress and protect your mental health.

One way to do this may be to say “no” more often. This is especially true if you find yourself taking on more than you can handle, because juggling many responsibilities may leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Being selective about what you take on — and saying “no” to things that will unnecessarily add to your load — can reduce your stress levels.

Plus, creating boundaries — especially with people who add to your stress levels — is a healthy way to protect your well-being. This can be as simple as asking a friend or family member not to stop by unannounced or canceling standing plans with a friend who tends to create drama.

9. Learn to avoid procrastination
Another way to take control of your stress is to stay on top of your priorities and avoid procrastinating.

Procrastination may harm your productivity and leave you scrambling to catch up. This can cause stress, which negatively affects your health and sleep quality.

A study in 140 medical students in China linked procrastination to increased stress levels. The study also associated procrastination and delayed stress reactions with more negative parenting styles, including punishment and rejection.

If you find yourself procrastinating regularly, it may be helpful to get in the habit of making a to-do list organized by priority. Give yourself realistic deadlines and work your way down the list.

Work on the things that need to get done today and give yourself chunks of uninterrupted time. Switching between tasks or multitasking can be stressful in itself.

10. Take a yoga class
Yoga has become a popular method of stress relief and exercise among all age groups.

While yoga styles differ, most share a common goal — to join your body and mind by increasing body and breath awareness.

Several studies show that yoga helps reduce stress and symptoms of anxiety and depression. Plus, it can promote psychological well-being.

These benefits seem to be related to its effect on your nervous system and stress response.

Yoga may help lower cortisol levels, blood pressure, and heart rate while increasing levels of gamma aminobutyric acid, a neurotransmitter that’s low in people with mood disorders.

11. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness describes practices that anchor you to the present moment.

Stress reduction techniques that utilize mindfulness include meditation and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), a type of cognitive behavioral therapy 

Meditating on a consistent basis, even for short periods, may help boost your mood and decrease symptoms of stress and anxiety.

If you’d like to try out meditation, countless books, apps, and websites can teach you the basics. There may also be therapists in your area who specialize in MBCT.

12. Cuddle
Human touch may have a calming effect and help you better cope with stress

For example, studies show that positive physical contact and sex may help relieve stress and loneliness.

These types of contact may help release oxytocin and lower cortisol. In turn, these effects help lower blood pressure and heart rate. Both high blood pressure and increased heart rate are physical symptoms of stress.

Interestingly, humans aren’t the only animals that cuddle for stress relief. Chimpanzees also cuddle friends that are stressed (57).

13. Spend time in nature
Spending more time outside may help reduce stress.

Studies show that spending time in green spaces such as parks and forests and being immersed in nature are healthy ways to manage stress.

A review of 14 studies found that spending as little as 10 minutes in a natural setting may help improve psychological and physiological markers of mental well-being, including perceived stress and happiness, in college-aged people.

Hiking and camping are great options, but some people don’t enjoy — or have access to — these activities. Even if you live in an urban area, you can seek out green spaces such as local parks, arboretums, and botanical gardens.

14. Practice deep breathing
Mental stress activates your sympathetic nervous system, sending your body into fight-or-flight mode.

During this reaction, stress hormones trigger physical symptoms such as a faster heartbeat, quicker breathing, and constricted blood vessels.

Deep breathing exercises may help activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which controls the relaxation response.

Deep breathing exercises include diaphragmatic breathing, abdominal breathing, belly breathing, and paced respiration.

The goal of deep breathing is to focus your awareness on your breath, making it slower and deeper. When you breathe in deeply through your nose, your lungs fully expand and your belly rises. This helps slow your heart rate, allowing you to feel at peace.

15. Spend time with your pet
Having a pet may help reduce stress and improve your mood.

When you cuddle or touch your pet, your body releases oxytocin — a hormone that’s linked to positive mood.

Plus, studies show that pet owners — especially those who have dogs — tend to have greater life satisfaction, better self-esteem, reduced levels of loneliness and anxiety, and more positive moods.

Having a pet may also help relieve stress by giving you purpose, keeping you active, and providing companionship.

Just one more thing:

Try this today: Although there are many ways to reduce stress on your own, it’s important to get help when you need it.

If you’re experiencing overwhelming stress or symptoms of anxiety and depression, consider making an appointment with a therapist or visiting a trusted healthcare professional to discuss ways to improve your mental health.

None of us are islands.  We need people in our lives.  The Pandemic damaged more than the health of many people.  It damaged our sense of well-being. It isolated us and made us frightened and stressed.  Now we have to learn how to manage those issues caused by long term social distancing.

What are some social events you enjoy with friends and family?

I know a group of men that meet once a week to play cornhole.

I enjoy meeting for coffee with some very special friends every week.

Do you ever get all your family together on a regular basis for a potluck?

I zoom on Saturday mornings with close friends that live out of town. 

I love it when my neighbors and friends drop in and we have a pleasant visit sitting on my porch and drinking coffee.  Decaf if we’ve already hit our limit of caffeine! 

I am an early riser.  My favorite way to start the day is to sit by the window in my living room with a cup of coffee and watch the sun come up.  Even better if it’s raining!  I love the rain.  It’s at that time that I think about the day ahead.  That’s when I have my devotions.  It’s my chill time. And it is vital.

Let’s get un-stressed.

Horrified, I watched the video as scores of people jumped barricades, knocked others over, trampled over bodies, blew past metal detectors and security guards, and ran circles around police on horseback. Officers desperately attempted to hold the masses back.  It was futile.  The crowd broke down the barricades and trampled everything in their path.  They left a wake of destruction.  And this was hours before the concert started.

At least eight people died and scores more were injured when chaos, including a crowd crush, broke out during the opening night of rapper Travis Scott’s Astroworld music festival in Texas Friday November 5th, authorities said.

I have never heard of Travis Scott.   I’ve never heard of Astroworld.  I don’t know what it is other than it seems to be an annual event in Houston Texas.  I doubt I will forget now.  It seems Scott is well-known as a thriving hip-hop artist.  In addition to his music career, the rapper has amassed a fortune of $60 million through partnerships with fashion, food and entertainment brands, according to Celebrity Net Worth. According to Forbes, Astroworld grossed a total of $53.5 million in 2019. So far, the singer has made around $65 million from the Astroworld tour.

What happened? 

The crowd surged and crushed these people to death.

Bharti Shahani, a 22-year-old student at Texas A&M University, was declared brain dead after suffering injuries during the crowd surge that killed eight people, according to reports.

The family of the 9-year-old boy, Ezra Blount, who is clinging to life after being crushed at Friday’s Astroworld concert in Houston filed a lawsuit against Travis Scott and concert promoters Tuesday. Blount “incurred severe liver, kidney, and brain damage” when a fan surge killed eight people and injured hundreds over a period of 40 minutes while the rapper continued performing, the suit said. “I had my son on my shoulders awaiting drakes [sic] stage appearance,” Treston Blount wrote. “I began to be crushed until I couldn’t breathe I passed out. And I woke up and my son was gone.”

This is unforgivable.  Those people did not need to die!!!    These concerts are happening all the time!  And they are death traps!

It is unmitigated greed that has brought us these festivals that attract hundreds and thousands of people to a concert with no seating.  Sure!  Seats take up space!  You can sell a lot more tickets because a body doesn’t take up as much space as a chair.

How did we get to this?  Especially during a pandemic when we are supposed to be standing six feet apart??  Crowds get wound up and excited and lose their minds.  They do stupid things that alone on a normal day would be unthinkable!  But even in the height of excitement of being at a concert with all your friends and really getting into the music, don’t we care about the person next to us? 

OK.  There is something about going to a huge concert and standing in close proximity to your fellow music lover –if you can call rap music – yes, I’m old – and I’m sure it’s thrilling to get as close as you can to the stage.  I’ve never been a fan of that kind of a scene.  I’ve never relished the idea of a mosh pit.  But my favorite artists are not the kind to do a concert in this kind of venue. 

The fact remains. These kinds of concerts are deadly.  It’s one thing to be outside in the open air.  But to be inside a building where there is not adequate ventilation, where thousands of bodies suck all the oxygen and where is no place to go to get away?  NO! 

The concert promoter behind Travis Scott’s deadly Astroworld Festival has seen a slew of tragedies at past events — with at least 750 injuries and around 200 deaths in the last 15 years, according to a review of records.

Live Nation has already been named in lawsuits filed just days after eight fans died in the terrifying crush at Scott’s Astroworld show in his native Houston on Friday.

Their events have also incurred hefty fines after being found to have broken Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) rules, the report noted.

The company also promoted a 2016 Snoop Dogg show in Camden, NJ,
during which a crowd forced a railing to give way, causing 50 people to fall about 10 feet onto a concrete pathway. That show was abruptly stopped.

I am astonished at the total disregard of human life. This is just one example of rampant selfishness and heart wrenching myopia. I was brought up to respect other humans.  I was brought up to respect authority.  I was brought up to obey the laws and the rules set before me.  Am I alone? 

If I had gone to that concert.. well…  I wouldn’t be at a concert of a rapper.  I like real music.  You know…  harmony?  And words you can understand?  And musicians that don’t scream or swear? 

But if for some strange reason I had been there, I wouldn’t have been in the middle where I could have been crushed. Why?  Because I am polite.  I don’t knock people down to get where I want to be.  I don’t jump barricades—even if I could.  If a policeman tells me to stop, I stop.  If other people are hell-bent on getting ahead of me, fine!  Go!  I don’t mind being at the end of the line! 

I am afraid we are growing—or have already grown– a nation of children who are undisciplined, rude, disrespectful, lawless profligates.  Some of these are the children of working parents who are busy and stressed and tired.  It takes a lot of energy to raise children.  And many parents are fresh out.  They come home at night and maybe get dinner on the table and fall into bed.  Well, some stop somewhere and pick up dinner and bring it home.  Or they end up meeting up somewhere for food and then going home. 

But children who grow up with no rules and no boundaries and who are not taught to be respectful of people and property are going to smash through barricades and trample people and be part of a surge that ignores the consequences of pushing forward and possibly crushing someone in the process.  It might be cute to be sassy and disrespectful when you’re three.  But it’s no longer funny when you’re twelve.  Parents who allow their children to be disrespectful are going to have a sad hard life.  

There are lots of parents out there who don’t realize that household rules actually help to make the home less chaotic.  When everyone knows what is expected, it becomes possible to have moments of peace.  And the odds are even better if everyone in the house is courteous and respectful. 

It is no secret that the world operates better with a set of rules in place that everyone must follow. Raising kids is no exception.

Most children will thrive in an environment where there is order, consistency, communication, and discipline.

An article by Paediatrics & Child Health states that“Rules are established for children so they can learn to live cooperatively with others, to teach them to distinguish right from wrong, and to protect them from harm. Children raised without reasonable limits will have difficulty adjusting socially.”

In addition, learning self-discipline enables kids and teens to become emotionally and socially mature adults.

I am not saying that every child that is unruly and undisciplined is going to end up at a concert and killing someone.  I am just saying that the world is getting crazier by the minute and someone has to be responsible and tidy up and take out the garbage. 

I wonder about the people that went to the concert and were able to go home safely.  I wonder what they are thinking and how they are feeling. I ache for the families of the wounded and dead.  I can’t imagine what they are feeling.

As we plow through this life, do we look from side to side now and then to make sure we haven’t jumped a barricade or knocked someone down?  Do we stop and think about the consequences of our actions?  Have we unknowingly crushed someone? 

Proverbs 13:24 says “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” Proverbs 19:18 says “Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them.” Proverbs 29:17 says “Discipline your children; you’ll be glad you did— they’ll turn out delightful to live with.”

I think it is vital that our children learn to reap the consequences for their actions.  Because if they do often enough and consistently enough, it could help them stop and think before they push forward and possibly cause irreparable damage.

Note:  Scott will pay for the funeral costs of those lost, as well as offer free mental health care and additional aid to those impacted by the tragedy. Live Nation, Scoremore, and the Astroworld Festival team issued a joint statement confirming full refunds for the festival attendees. The statement also said it was working to set up a health fund to help victims cover medical expenses.

Update: 11/11/21: Bharti Shahani, the 22-year-old Texas A&M University senior who had been hospitalized after the Astroworld Festival, has died, becoming the ninth concertgoer to lose his or her life from the Travis Scott show six days ago.

The fight about masks and vaccines has caused me to revert to the written word – mostly mine – because I am a wanna-be writer.  I have several theories about all this covid mess.   

In one way it reminds me of a drowning. When a person is drowning, they are frightened, and panic stricken and they flail their arms and kick their feet and they are beyond rational comprehension. Someone comes to their rescue and because the drowning person has lost the ability for reasonable thought, they lash out at the rescuer. They hit them and fight against them. The rescuer ends up bruised and beaten and worn out. Our healthcare workers are bruised and beaten. They are exhausted. I fear for their health — as they do as well. The masks and the vaccines are here to help save lives. But people are fighting against them. And only after the un-vaccinated succumb, the healthcare workers are appreciated.

God loves all his children.  Even the stubborn ones.  All through the Bible he just wants to love us and take care of his and all we have to do his trust him and obey him. 

It strikes me as similar to the Children of Israel. God promised them he would take care of them. But they got out there on the journey and they got amnesia. They complained all the time! When pharaoh’s army came after them, they whined. Did they really think that after God had gone to all that trouble to bring them out of Egypt, he would just abandon them??  So, God parted the Red Sea and then as soon as they walked across on dry land, God let the sea come together and much of the army drowned. They got a little further and they were thirsty.  They came upon water, but the water was bad. They whined. God told Moses to use his staff and strike a rock and out came fresh healthy water. And then later, they were starving and they whined. God rained bread in the mornings and quail in the evenings. God warned them to not save any for the next day, But some of them did and the manna rotted and got worms. See?  They forgot to just trust and obey!

God had told them to gather extra on the sixth day because they weren’t to work on the sabbath.  But they still went out to gather on the sabbath.  Bad memory?  Amnesia?  Or distrust?  Even after all this time, they still couldn’t just trust and obey God.  They probably looked at Facebook and saw that some people were posting that God couldn’t be trusted.  And maybe he was secretly trying to kill them.

When the Israelites were camped at the base of Mount Sinai, Moses went up the mountain to have a meeting with God.  Moses was gone so long, 40 days, that the people thought he was never going to return. They gathered up everyone’s gold jewelry and with Aaron’s help, they made a golden calf and worshipped it.  Really?  After everything God had done for them?

Three days after Israel departed from Mount Sinai, they complained again.  The Bible doesn’t tell us what they complained about on this occasion, but the complaints were so infuriating to God that He burned some of the people to death with fire.  See?  They forgot to just trust and obey! Frankly, I would have done this to them sooner!!!

Shortly after the deaths by fire at Taberah, the Israelites complained again about not having meat to eat.

Moses heard the whining, all those families whining in front of their tents. God’s anger blazed up. Moses saw that things were in a bad way.

Moses said to God, “Why are you treating me this way? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Did I conceive them? Was I their mother? So why dump the responsibility of this people on me? Why tell me to carry them around like a nursing mother, carry them all the way to the land you promised to their ancestors? Where am I supposed to get meat for all these people who are whining to me, ‘Give us meat; we want meat.’ I can’t do this by myself—it’s too much, all these people. If this is how you intend to treat me, do me a favor and kill me. I’ve seen enough; I’ve had enough. Let me out of here.”

Poor Moses.  He was at his wits end!!!  I don’t blame him!!!  If it was anything like the fighting that’s going on right now about masks and vaccines, I really feel for poor Moses.

So, God said, “Tell the people, Consecrate yourselves. Get ready for tomorrow when you’re going to eat meat. You’ve been whining to God, ‘We want meat; give us meat. We had a better life in Egypt.’ God has heard your whining and he’s going to give you meat. You’re going to eat meat. And it’s not just for a day that you’ll eat meat, and not two days, or five or ten or twenty, but for a whole month. You’re going to eat meat until it’s coming out your nostrils. You’re going to be so sick of meat that you’ll throw up at the mere mention of it. And here’s why: Because you have rejected God who is right here among you, whining to his face, ‘Oh, why did we ever have to leave Egypt?’”

Moses said, “I’m standing here surrounded by 600,000 men on foot and you say, ‘I’ll give them meat, meat every day for a month.’ So where’s it coming from? Even if all the flocks and herds were butchered, would that be enough? Even if all the fish in the sea were caught, would that be enough?”

God answered Moses, “So, do you think I can’t take care of you? You’ll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not.”

So Moses went out and told the people what God had said. He called together seventy of the leaders and had them stand around the Tent. God came down in a cloud and spoke to Moses and took some of the Spirit that was on him and put it on the seventy leaders. When the Spirit rested on them they prophesied. But they didn’t continue; it was a onetime event.

Then Moses and the leaders of Israel went back to the camp. A wind set in motion by God swept quails in from the sea. They piled up to a depth of about three feet in the camp and as far out as a day’s walk in every direction. All that day and night and into the next day the people were out gathering the quail—huge amounts of quail; even the slowest person among them gathered at least sixty bushels. They spread them out all over the camp for drying. But while they were still chewing the quail and had hardly swallowed the first bites, they began complaining.  God’s anger blazed out against the people. He hit them with a terrible plague. They ended up calling the place Kibroth Hattaavah (Graves-of-the-Craving). There they buried the people who craved meat.

When they were close to their journey’s destination, Moses sent 12 men to survey the land.  When they returned to give a report, all of them except Joshua and Caleb told the people that Canaan was a land of giants and could not be conquered.  The Israelites then complained against Moses and Aaron, and wanted another leader to return to Egypt.

Is your mind boggled??  It should be.  These people were spoiled rotten!!  After everything God had done for them and all the promises He kept, THIS is how he got repaid?????

Well, he was fed up.  A long time coming, but he was finally at the end of his rope.  God punished the people, whom God called evil, for their complaints, by letting them wander in the wilderness for forty years.

Isn’t it a shame that we don’t seem to have learned anything from the Israelites???  We are, all these many years later, still as selfish and whiny, and unbelieving as they were. 

It is my opinion, that God, through some humans, is trying to save this stupid planet.  Don’t ask me why.  Just be thankful that the Ark thing was a one-time incident.  I am pretty sure God is at his wits end watching all these little humans running around shaking their fists at all the ways other humans are trying to save their lives!!

And we just have all these excuses why we refuse to be saved!!!  And yet the virus rages on.  We’re right back where we were.  And all the little humans have all these reasons why all the efforts were wrong…  or didn’t work.. or it was some kind of infringement on their civil rights!!!  Yeesh!!  They should be thankful they are still alive to enjoy those rights!!!

This is so timely…. 

A terrible storm came into a town and local officials sent out an emergency warning that the riverbanks would soon overflow and flood the nearby homes.

They ordered everyone in the town to evacuate immediately.

A faithful Christian man heard the warning and decided to stay, saying to himself, “I will trust God and if I am in danger, then God will send a divine miracle to save me.”

The neighbors came by his house and said to him, “We’re leaving and there is room for you in our car, please come with us!” But the man declined. “I have faith that God will save me.”

As the man stood on his porch watching the water rise up the steps, a man in a canoe paddled by and called to him, “Hurry and come into my canoe, the waters are rising quickly!” But the man again said, “No thanks, God will save me.”

The floodwaters rose higher pouring water into his living room and the man had to retreat to the second floor. A police motorboat came by and saw him at the window. “We will come up and rescue you!” they shouted. But the man refused, waving them off saying, “Use your time to save someone else! I have faith that God will save me!”

The flood waters rose higher and higher and the man had to climb up to his rooftop.

A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, “Grab my hand and I will pull you up!” But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. “No thank you! God will save me!”

Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned.

When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, “I put all of my faith in You. Why didn’t You come and save me?”

And God said, “Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?” See?  He forgot to just trust and obey!

I encouraged you to social distance.

I encouraged you to wash your hands.

I encouraged you to wear a mask.

I blessed scientists to develop a vaccine. 

What more were you looking for?

Parenting is a lot like driving on an icy road. Well, this is my blog post so I get to say what I think parenting is like.  When you’re driving along and suddenly you feel your vehicle sliding off toward the ditch.  What do you do?  Well, if you’ve ever driven on sheer ice, you know you don’t have a lot of options.  Your natural response is to turn the steering wheel madly to the opposite direction of the skid.  Right?  That is our natural response.  But it is wrong.  You must turn the steering wheel into the slide.  Whichever direction your back wheels are moving, that’s the way you turn. 

So like parenting.  You want to give your children everything you never had growing up.  You want to let them have their say, because you were never allowed to talk back.  You want them to have the latest technology because you don’t want them to be un-cool. You don’t want everyone at school EXCEPT FOR YOUR KID to have the coolest clothes, and toys.  And you overlook the tantrums and the disrespect and the attitude, because that’s just the way kids are…  NO.  That’s not the way kids should be. 

I often wish I could go back and do over my parenting.  I am thankful that my children have grown up and are responsible adults, but I could have done much better.  It’s no excuse that I was a single parent.  No one should be using that excuse.  Yes, single parenting is hard.  But parenting is hard whether you’re single or a couple. 

When I worked at the Tillamook Cheese Factory one summer, I watched a child lay on the floor in the middle of a crowd of people and scream and cry.  He wanted ice cream and he wanted it RIGHT NOW!!  There was a long line of people waiting.  Tears streamed down his face and joined with all the snot coming from his nose.   His face was red and blotchy. 

We all have an opinion about what should have happened next.  Then I got busy.  The next time I got a glimpse of him, he was eating a great big fat ice cream cone.  His face was still red and his nose still snotty.  But he had gotten what he wanted. 

I sometimes wonder what that household must be like.  Maybe this was just a one-time event and the parents let him have what he wanted just to shut him up and save them any more embarrassment. 

But I have an idea that he probably acted that way quite often at home and I think that maybe his mom is probably ready to jump off a cliff by now.  Why do I say that?  Because the more you indulge your children the more miserable they are and the more frustrated YOU are.  Giving them everything they want is doing them a terrible disservice!!! 

When I lived in Spokane my office was across the street from one of the High Schools.  The kids would walk across the street in front of traffic and not even look.  Many of them seemed to dare the drivers to run them over!  I used to marvel at how arrogant these kids acted.  Like they were in charge and it was all about them!!  They ignored traffic lights.  There were times we’d have to slam on our brakes in the middle of the intersection!!!

It was extremely disrespectful, in my opinion. 

And now in my neighborhood…  just down the street from me, little kids are writing mean messages in sidewalk chalk in front of the houses where the recipient of these mean messages lives!!!  Some of us are walking around the neighborhood with our coffee in case we need to dump it on some nasty note!!!! 

Do you ever feel like kids are just out of control???

You want your children to love you.  You’re afraid to discipline them because, God forbid, they might hate you.  Well, if your child has never said he hates you, you’re not trying hard enough!!  The Bible talks about God disciplining his children because He loves them!

Disciplining children is hard.  Teaching them to behave is hard. But letting them run wild and just letting them wear you down until you say yes creates a miserable future for both you and the child. 

The Bible says in Proverbs Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them.

And also in Proverbs:  Discipline your children; you’ll be glad you did— they’ll turn out delightful to live with.

And in Hebrews, there’s more:  In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off big-time, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.

I thought this was a great article so I am sharing it.

Why You Shouldn’t Overindulge Your Child

By 

Amy Morin, LCSW 

 Medically reviewed by 

Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP 

July 01, 2021

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

It can be fun to buy kids gifts. And it can feel good to give them the things that you weren’t able to have as a kid.

Over-the-top birthday parties, lavish vacations, piles of electronics, and constant entertainment sounds like a great childhood on the surface. But giving kids too many possessions, too many privileges, and too many opportunities can actually be bad for them.

In fact, in some cases, overindulging children actually constitutes neglect and it can have lifelong consequences for many children.

Types of Overindulgence

Overindulging children isn’t just about buying lots of holiday gifts. It can also involve giving kids too much freedom and too little discipline.

Researchers at the Overindulgence Project have identified three types of overindulgence:

1. Giving too much. Whether it’s too many toys, too many activities, or too many electronics, giving a child too much can be harmful. Children need downtime and they also need opportunities to learn how to entertain themselves.
2. Over-nurturing. Parents who do too much for their children prevent them from learning the skills they need to gain independence. Doing a child’s homework for him or rescuing her from all uncomfortable emotions can interfere with healthy development.
3. Soft structure. Not giving kids enough discipline or healthy limits can prevent them from becoming self-disciplined adults. This may include not giving a child chores or giving in every time she throws a temper tantrum.

Reasons Parents Overindulge Kids

There are many reasons why parents overindulge kids. The most common reason is guilt.

A parent who works long hours may not want to enforce chores when he arrives home from work. Or, a non-custodial parent may try to compensate for not being around by buying a child lots of gifts.

Another common reason that parents overindulge their children is that they want their kids to be “happy.”

So rather than say no and risk upsetting their children, they give in and let them have whatever they want.

Sometimes parents are just ill-equipped and unprepared to deal with behavior problems. They don’t know how to respond to temper tantrums and defiance. So to make life easier in the short-term, they go to great lengths to avoid disciplining their children.

Finally, some parents want to make up for their bad childhood experiences. A parent who grew up in poverty may want to make sure their child doesn’t “go without.” Or a parent who grew up with really strict parents may go to the other extreme and not give a child enough structure.

Why Overindulging Children Isn’t Healthy 

Here are a few reasons why you may want to think twice about giving your child everything he wants:

• Your child needs to learn she can live without most things. When children receive everything they want, they begin to think they can’t live without the latest gadget or that they can’t survive without new sneakers. It’s important to teach your kids the difference between wants and needs.
• Your child may think happiness stems from material goods. It’s easy for kids to start thinking that having more stuff will help them lead a more satisfying life.
• You may send a message that there’s a link between net worth and self-worth. Material possessions can become a status symbol for kids who think that it’s important to show off how much they have.
• Your child may not value anything. When kids have a lot of electronics, clothing, and toys, they aren’t able to take care of them. A child may not care when things are broken and may not notice when objects are lost. Therefore, your child won’t learn to be responsible.
• A lack of discipline teaches kids they don’t have to follow the rules. When rules aren’t enforced, children begin to believe the rules don’t apply to them. They think they’re above the rules and they begin to believe they’re more special than everyone else.
• Research shows overindulged children struggle with lifelong problems. Adults who were overindulged as children report chronic feelings of discontent. Many of them report overeating and overspending. Additionally, many of them report chronic unhappiness and trouble coping with reality.

Put a Stop to Overindulgence

If you’re guilty of overindulging your child, choose to create positive change in your family. Commit to putting a stop to unhealthy behaviors that are harmful to your child.

When you start saying no, and stop overindulging your child, you’re likely to see increased behavior problems. Your child will likely retaliate and do everything in his power to undermine your efforts. But if you become more authoritative, you’ll teach your child the valuable life skills he needs to become a responsible adult.

4 Reasons It’s Important For Parents To Set Healthy Boundaries With Kids

Master Of Social WorkBy Krissy Pozatek, MSW

November 30, 2020

Today, many households have “mini-democracies” where a children’s voices or opinion is equal to those of their parents. In some families, the child’s voice even takes over. And in other families, certain parents will even fully sacrifice his or her own needs to make their child happy.

Culturally, the pendulum has swung from focusing on children’s behavior (in previous generations) to focusing on children’s emotions (today). With this, however, there has been an exponential rise in anxiety disorders in children and teens. Although it’s extremely important for children’s emotions to be heard and validated, a parent still needs to be in charge to create a secure and stable environment for their kids. In particular, parents are responsible for setting boundaries in the household, in order to foster an environment where their children can be heard, but also encouraged to develop patience, self-awareness, and so on.

Here are four reasons why parents need to be “in charge” of boundary-setting in order to set the tone for a child’s emotional development:

1. Parental boundaries allow kids to feel safe.

Secure boundaries set by the parent (not negotiated by the child) reduce anxiety. Rules and routines like meal times, bed times, homework time, chores, and screen time — that are set and monitored by the parent — create predictability in a child’s life. Predictability reduces uncertainty, and that reduces anxiety.

Parents should not value a child’s self-expression over a child’s sense of security. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a mean or unfair parent, even if your child says that to you at the time, out of anger. When a child tries to negotiate a later bed time this comes at a cost of the child’s sense of security because it allows the child to feel he or she has more power than the adult.

2. Children have undeveloped prefrontal lobes.

In other words, a child’s brain is not fully developed, and hence shouldn’t be given decision-making power over adults. According to child developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, “magical thinking” predominates in children aged two to seven. This “magical thinking” is what makes children amazing and so full of wonder. But it also suggests that young children are not equipped to be in charge of big decisions — beyond choosing peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese.

School-aged children from eight to eleven years of age are largely concrete in their thinking. This is why elementary kids love rules and often like the world to be black and white. After all, structure ensures predictability and security. It is only after age 12 that children begin to develop more abstract and nuanced thinking. This is why adolescence is a more appropriate time to experiment with rules and limits. Yet parents still need to be “in charge” of setting boundaries with their teenage children, as they are still developing the prefrontal controls around impulsivity, decision making, and problem-solving (never mind all the hormonal shifts!).

Even as we know more about brain development, we seem to have become less attuned to thinking about our children’s unique developmental stage, and what is an appropriate level of choice for them to have. Many parents today negotiate with their five year-olds as if they are mini-adults; thinking kids understand all the gradations of why rules change and shift.

3. Parental limits disrupt narcissism and entitlement.

For many families, a child’s emotions, needs and desires can run the parent’s whole day rather than the other way around. Narcissism is normal, and is developmentally appropriate in small children.

Yet unless the early-development narcissism is eventually disrupted, children continue to feel like the world revolves around them and become narcissistic adults. Parental boundaries allow children to grow up, to understand they can’t always get their way, to be more patient and mature. Knowing that there is a limit to how much comfort and pleasure their parents will provide, children can learn to cope with disappointment; as an added bonus, the mild disappointment often brought about by boundaries can also help children to develop empathy — perhaps for others who have discomfort and disappointment. Understanding the meaning of “limits” allows kids to be more connected to the real world.

It’s OK and perfectly appropriate for a parent’s rationale to stop at this: “I am making this decision because I’m the parent, and you’re the child.” The notion of a parent being “in charge” is not a power-trip if done in a gentle but firm way to promote a child’s feeling of safety and security.

4. We all learn from struggling a bit.

In any developmental task from walking to talking to learning to read or drive a car, kids need to struggle. Struggle is how we mature and learn mastery of new things. If children are brought up with the expectation that they will always be “in charge,” they want things to be easy. They also parents to remove struggle and fix their disappointments (sometimes called snowplow or helicopter parenting). A parent in charge knows it is not only OK for a child to struggle with a limit or a rule, it is actually good and healthy. It is OK if they have to turn off their video game to do their reading, or are asked to eat more vegetables or do an extra chore to help mom.

Parents who set boundaries are not trying to make their child happy in the moment (though sometimes they are!). Rather, more importantly, they are trying to have their child develop skills to successfully launch into the world at 18.

The takeaway.

So the next time you are acquiescing your parental authority to your child, please remember, it is not helping him or her in the long-term. They will have more maturity, resilience, adaptability, feelings of safety and connection if you set boundaries.

How important is it to have a daily routine?

Why routines are important:

According to Ramon Solhkhah, M.D., chair, Department of Psychiatry, Jersey Shore University Medical Center

• They create structure – A daily routine often begins with the alarm clock ringing to start our day, and the routines follow from there with showering, brushing our teeth, dressing and grabbing coffee on the way to the office.
• They give us a sense of accomplishment – Routines typically have a beginning and an end, and we plan our day and time around being able to prioritize them and accomplish the most important tasks of the day for ourselves and our families.
• They let us know how we are doing – Even small routines like showering, brushing our teeth, and dressing are important parts of our day. Since the pandemic, many of us have taken a more liberal approach to those daily routines, such as working from home in sweatpants that were once reserved for weekends. Although this change is subtle, it can have a big impact, making you feel sluggish or lazy.
• They let people around us know how we are doing – Routines also are indications to people around us of how we are doing. Before the pandemic, if you didn’t show up for work people would worry, or if you didn’t come out of your house for weeks friends would look in on you or be concerned about your well-being. With no routine, there are a lot of unknowns that can cause concern or anxiety.

Routines, even simple ones, can be important anchors to maintaining good mental health and dealing with anxiety during the pandemic. Dr. Solhkhah noted, “Routines can create a positive level of stress that keeps us focused and may avoid some of the depression that many people may experience as a result of the COVID pandemic, isolation, fear and uncertainty. I recommend creating and maintaining routines that you can follow even in quarantine that will help reduce the mental health impact of what we are experiencing.”

Simple routines to organize your day include:

• Wake up the same time every day
• Shower as if you were going out
• Dress for the day (even in casual and comfortable attire)
• Eat meals at regular times
• Keep to a daily schedule of exercise
• Limit your use of electronic devices or TV time
• Go to bed at the same time each night

How important is it for children to have a routine?

All families need some type of routine to establish normalcy, a way to get things done and a sense of security.

Children often fear the unknown – whether it’s the broccoli on their plate – or a big life change like moving to a different house or gaining a new sibling.

While change is a learning opportunity, it can also be stressful for children. A normal routine brings comfort and consistency to a child’s life.

Daily routines might include:

• The time to get ready in the morning
• Bath times, mealtimes, naptimes and bedtimes
• Housework, cooking and cleaning schedules
• Play time, family time and outdoor play

When you include meaningful and important elements into your family life, you’re letting your child know what’s important.

While daily routines look different across neighbourhoods, Australia and the entire globe, the most important aspect is creating a routine that works for you and your family.

Here are 10 reasons a daily routine is important for your child:

1. Helps your child get on a schedule

Consistent routine will help your child and their “body clocks” with many day-to-day basics such as:

• Ability to take naps and sleep well at night
• Ability to eat healthy, full meals
• Regular bowel movements
• Healthy play and outdoor time
• Calm, relaxed behaviour at “down times” during the day

For example, because your child and their body know it’s time to sleep, they are more easily able to wind down and rest.

2. Bonds the family together

When a child knows what to expect and notices regular family activities, they begin to understand what’s important. This strengthens shared values, beliefs and interests.

The child, for example, might notice that eating breakfast together on Saturday mornings is important. They can see that family time together is special. Even if your child is young, they will pick up on these traditions. The family bonds together by doing regular, important things together.

3. Establishes expectations

Rather than having a power struggle about picking up toys at the end of the day or taking a bath, a child becomes accustomed to knowing when “pick up time” and “bath time” are.

Children begin to expect and complete activities without issue. As the parent, you become a partner in that routine, rather than the person who is telling the child to “do this” and “not do this.”

4. Creates a calmer household

Because the child, and other family members, know what to expect, stress and anxiety are reduced.

The child will know what comes next. They will feel valued because they are included in the plans and don’t feel as if they’re being forced to do something.

5. Gives your child confidence and independence

With a routine, a child will learn over time when it’s time to brush their teeth or put on their pajamas. They will take pride in knowing what they are supposed to do – and doing it by themselves.

Rather than always being told what needs to happen, your child will feel confident to go ahead and be in charge of themselves. When children feel empowered and independent, they are less likely to rebel or retaliate.

6. Establishes healthy, constructive habits

From brushing teeth regularly to completing homework every afternoon, routines help establish constructive habits.

Children who practice these skills will be able to better manage their time. As they age, they’ll have more self-discipline in terms of healthy grooming and eating habits, along with studying and cleaning their rooms.

7. Helps you (the parent) remember important things

Whether it’s ensuring your child takes their medicine every day or remembering to pay the bills every month, a routine helps you stay on track.

In the midst of busy family life, you’ll be able to keep track of the important details – allowing for a more stress free household and quality time together as a family.

8. Offers your child an opportunity to get excited about what’s ahead

If your child knows what’s on the schedule, they anticipate and look forward to future events – such as going to the park on Friday afternoons or spending time with Dad on Sunday mornings.

When these activities are established, your child feels like a loved part of the family and the world.

9. Provides opportunity for special “daily rituals”

When you build something into your day, like snuggling and reading to your child before bed, you instill special moments or “daily rituals.”

These dedicated times create increased bonding and connection with your child every day. Rather than just moving from one activity to the next, you have quality, relaxing time built into each day.

10. Offers stability during times of change or stress

Changes and stresses impact a child’s life and sense of security, such as a divorce, change in school system or addition of a new sibling.

When the family has an established a routine, normalcy is present in the child’s life, no matter what is going on. A child finds calmness, stability and love through elements of routine, such as family dinners or regular Thursday trips to the playground.

The Importance of Flexibility

While establishing and maintaining routine has a wealth of benefits, it’s vital to also remain flexible. Spontaneity and creativity are important factors in a child’s life. For example, the breakfast dishes can wait if there is an exciting animal in the backyard or a special Saturday carnival happening in the city. 

Remember to stay sensitive and adaptable to the needs of each child (and adult). When a schedule becomes too regimented or strict, the benefits will be reduced, and children may feel controlled by it rather than freed by it (which is the ultimate goal).

How to Set a Daily Routine for Your Child

As Susan Newman, a social psychologist from New Jersey shares, routines can begin from the first day of life. If you haven’t started a routine from the early days, don’t worry. They can be established and began at any point. The earlier you establish a routine, the better.

Step 1: Establish the important times such as meal times, snack times, naptimes and bedtime.

Because these affect how well your child is able to sleep and eat, these items should come first.

If you currently have no schedule, gradually move to a consistent routine. For example, you may wish to set up a regular naptime and bedtime first. Then, you can add in regular mealtimes and bath times.

Step 2: Practice patience.

Setting a schedule may be hard for your child at first, but they will become accustomed to it.

Try not to become impatient or frustrated if the routine takes time to become “regular” for your child.

Step 3: Add “helpful” elements to each part of the routine.

For instance, you may wish to add in a regular 10 minute reading and snuggling time with your child before bed. This helps them wind down and feel ready to sleep.

Step 4: Work toward consistency and make room for flexibility.

In order for a routine to stick, you’ll need to make sure you keep it as regular as possible.

However, stay open to flexibility, especially for holidays and special events, so your child’s mood doesn’t become solely dependent on eating at a specific time, for example.

Step 5: Establish special times with your child.

Whether it’s a regular trip to grandma’s house or walking the dog together, create expectations and routine of family time.

Step 6: Adjust as needed.

As the months go on, you’ll start to see what’s working and not working for the family. A routine is meant to help the family, not hinder it. Be sure your routine is healthy and positive for your child and other family members.

How to Deal with Adult Narcissistic Children

• By Kim Saeed

Narcissism is one of the most insidious personality disorders in existence.

It’s often difficult to recognize, especially in your own children. You might feel as if there’s something just a little off about their behavior but finding that you’ve raised a narcissist is difficult to accept.

It raises all sorts of feelings for you as the parent. Where did you go wrong? What could you have done better?

It’s vital to remember that there is no definitive science which points to you as the cause of your child’s narcissistic tendencies or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

There are several theories which may explain how these traits develop, and one maintains that having a parent who is narcissistic can lead to some children developing the disorder themselves. But, due to there being such a divide amongst the psychological community, it may be a while before this theory gains more momentum.

But until then, what could be the cause? How do you recognize it, and more importantly, how can you deal with it?

How to Know if You’re the Parent of Adult Narcissistic Children

Children learn how the world works through the almighty lenses of their caretakers, and research rooted in attachment theories shows that. When a caretaker attunes appropriately to the child’s feelings and needs, the child subsequently experiences safety and security.

However, in narcissistic families, children experience repeated incidents of their parent misattuning, misaligning, or downright ignoring their feelings. The parent does not validate the child’s emotions; the parent validates whatever is in the parent’s best interest.

The narcissistic parent may punish children for crying, shame them for experiencing fear, and even quell them when expressing ‘too much’ happiness. In other words? Children learn that their feelings are erratic and unsafe. They learn that they are a source of problems.

For this reason, many children grow up believing that feelings must be suppressed. To achieve this suppression, we see many children of narcissists struggle with substance use, eating disorders, self-harm, and other impulsive or compulsive lifestyles.

After all, if they’ve experienced compounded years of condemnation for having feelings, why should they feel safe within their own emotional selves?  In many cases, this can cause a child to form the narcissism defense mechanism.  (In other cases, children will form the codependent defense mechanism).

There are a few signs of narcissistic behavior that parents should watch out for:

• Inflated ego: The narcissist has a huge ego.  Narcissistic adult children demand that you do what they want, try to control you, and push every boundary. Every time you give them what they want, they demand something else.  They say your job is to make them happy.
• Need for validation: A narcissist needs constant admiration. Often, they need praise for simple tasks, like making an appearance at your birthday party. You may find yourself giving your narcissistic adult child an inordinate amount of praise over something that’s a normal and expected part of family life.
• A sense of entitlement: The narcissist feels entitled to things they should have to work for. For example, they may demand ridiculous things like financial support well into adulthood. Or, tasks they should be doing themselves, but you find yourself performing…such as doing their laundry and folding their clothes, filling out their job applications, calling into work sick for them, or fixing their breakfast or lunch to take to work.
• Exploitation: A narcissist acts without conscience, thinking only of themselves. They lie, trick and steal to get what they want. This exploitation can be glaringly obvious or very subtle, so be on the lookout if you feel used. This may manifest as their throwing temper tantrums, blackmailing you by withholding their love or your grandchildren, trying to entice you with sweetness and affection when they want something, and blaming their behavior on you.
• Distorted thinking: A narcissist occupies a fantastical world where he or she is the greatest and most important person in the universe. In order to maintain the fantasy, narcissists lie. They often deny things that are obvious. They may make up fantastical tales to support the fantasy.
• Unpleasant personality: Contempt and belittlement are the narcissists’ tools of choice. When they feel threatened by success, they get mean. Watch out for those who are constantly putting down other peoples’ accomplishments. You may find your narcissistic adult child talking badly about their friends behind their backs, but pretending to care for them when these same friends come around.

How Normal Toddlers Grow to Become Adult Narcissistic Children

Narcissism is a condition that forms early on and manifests more clearly in adults. However, doctors are reluctant to diagnose and treat the disorder in people under 18. That’s because it can be tricky to discern whether the behaviors listed above are the result of narcissism or normal childhood selfishness.

So how did this happen? There are a number of probable causes for narcissistic behavior:

• Genetics: Inherited genetics are believed in some cases to be the reason for the development of narcissism, which oftentimes forms in childhood. That’s why it’s so important not to have children with anybody who shows signs of narcissism in the first place. They could pass this disorder on to the kids.
• Neurobiology: There have been some studies on patients with diagnosed NPD which show that neurobiology may play a role in narcissism. A narcissist’s brain simply may not work the same way as yours. They process others’ feelings, yet feel no empathy.
• Environment: Certain familial environments seem to nurture this disorder. They include living with a narcissistic parent in an absence of love and affection, or in a highly competitive environment. Neglect, abuse and even excessive idolization of a child can contribute.  Most children who grow up with a narcissistic parent in the household typically either become narcissists or codependents as adults.

How to Manage Your Relationship with Adult Narcissistic Children

Dealing with a narcissistic adult child is a lose-lose situation.

When you face off with your adult child, you only want to help them. But you can’t. Narcissism develops during childhood. Once your child is no longer a child, it’s often too late to treat the disorder.

The narcissism grows to be a part of their personality. It’s an extension of themselves. Therapists say that some people with narcissism don’t even know they have it. These people have no desire to get “better”. They don’t see that there’s anything wrong with them in the first place.

Changing Your Point of View

Narcissists have managed to delude themselves into thinking that they are perfect, and so have no real desire to change. You won’t help them become better people. You’ll only be able to help them reach selfish goals, often at your own expense. That’s not really helping anyone.

So how do you get out of this lose-lose situation and make it a win-win?

By taking away the hyphen. It is not a double-sided situation, with your outcome on one hand and the outcome for your child on another. The outcome for you is what you must think of. Your adult child’s outcome is his or her own responsibility now, not yours.

Stop seeing things from your adult child’s point of view, because your child’s point of view is selfish and irrational.

Acceptance

As hard as it is, stop fighting. Acceptance of your child’s behavior doesn’t mean that you go along with it, giving in to their demands. Quite the opposite. It means accepting that your child will never change while standing up to their exploitative behavior.

Recognize that you love them dearly. Accept that they do not and cannot love you back. Realize that no matter what you do for them, it will never be enough. This will save you a lifetime of heartache and is the only way to protect yourself.

If you keep trying to change the relationship, your child will keep fighting you. Likewise, if you continue giving in to their demands and allowing them to use you, you’ll never find happiness.  

Let them know that this is the way you feel. Don’t listen to their arguments, and don’t believe their proclamations about changing.

Isolation

Oftentimes, the only surefire method in dealing with a narcissistic adult child is cutting off contact. It’s incredibly difficult to do this, especially when it comes to your children.

Delete and block your child’s phone number. Be prepared for them to contact you anyway and be ready to walk away. You must steel yourself against their reaction. When you decide enough is enough, make sure you have a support system of loving family and friends around you.

You can also join a support group that caters to other victims of narcissistic behavior. It can help exponentially to talk about your feelings and find strength within a group.

Eventually, your child will get the message and stop fighting you.

Dealing with Your Adult Narcissistic Children Means Taking Control of Your Life

Dealing with an adult narcissistic child is painful and difficult. However, confronting the problem is something you have to do to improve your own life and stop the cycle of abuse. The only path with hope is to stop giving them anything, to demand civil behavior or to cut off contact. 

What Do You Do With the Mad That You Feel?

Written by Fred Rogers | © 1968 Fred M. Rogers

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong…
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It’s great to be able to stop
When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there’s something deep inside
That helps us become what we can.
For a girl can be someday a woman
And a boy can be someday a man.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how people treat each other.  And more specifically, how some men treat women. Please understand– there are some wonderful men out there who are great husbands. AND there are some wives who need an attitude adjustment. But right now, I am focusing on the difficulty of watching relationships crumble because of serious lack of communication and disturbingly poor list of priorities.

This is directed to all the men.

What is important to you?  Job?  Social life?  Family?  Spouse?  Children?  Your electronic devices? All too often I see couples out in public with their eyes on their phones.  They don’t look at each other.  They don’t talk. 

Do you wonder why you feel like you and your girl are drifting apart?  

How important to you is your relationship with her?

Are you careful not to promise what you can’t deliver?  Do you keep your promises, no matter how big or small? 

Do you listen to understand?  Or do you just wait for an opening to talk about YOUR favorite subject?

Do you remember what she says?   Do you try to learn what she likes?  Do you know her favorites?  Food? Perfume? Movie? Color? Restaurant?   

If you go out on a date, are you punctual?  Do you try to look your best?  Do you turn off your phone and give her your undivided attention? 

At this point, if you’re thinking these questions are a load of baloney,  you are probably not married and you probably don’t have a girlfriend or any hope of one in the future.  If you do have a wife or girlfriend, she’s probably pondering the pros and cons of smothering you with a pillow some night.  And I’m just guessing, but her self-esteem, on a scale of one to ten, is minus fifteen. 

And then I saw this. 

Written by Rev. Josh Myers, Pastor of the Church of the Nazarene in Tillamook Oregon.

I am privileged to call him my pastor.

I love this. 

You know it came straight from his heart:

“I felt compelled to share this… This song came to my mind following a discussion I had with a few guys in my small group this morning.

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you, dad”
“You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when”
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw, I said-a, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that’s okay
And he, he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when”
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and they said with a smile
What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when”
But we’ll get together then, dad
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said, I’d love to, dad, if I can find the time
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when”
But we’ll get together then, dad
We’re gonna have a good time then

Songwriters: Sandy Chapin / Harry F. Chapin

Cat’s in the Cradle lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Life is short, each day is a day we will never get back. People used to love to say “no regrets”. Well, most of the time we would say that as we are about to do something stupid that we will most certainly regret! I truly want to look back in 20 years when my kids are grown and have no regrets, sadly today, I am filled with regrets…

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when”
But we’ll get together then, dad
We’re gonna have a good time then

Songwriters: Sandy Chapin / Harry F. Chapin

Cat’s in the Cradle lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Life is short, each day is a day we will never get back. People used to love to say “no regrets”. Well, most of the time we would say that as we are about to do something stupid that we will most certainly regret! I truly want to look back in 20 years when my kids are grown and have no regrets, sadly today, I am filled with regrets…

I don’t always have my priorities in order. I work hard to finish tasks that can wait. I put unnecessary timelines and pressure on myself at the expense of peace, health and my family. I try to please everyone else even when it hurt my own family.

I think about the old saying WWJD, as I am busting my butt to mow the yard, finish this project, type that email, or please someone who doesn’t really matter.

Am I really making a difference, am I really honoring God with the way I spend my time and the impact I am making?

I don’t always have my priorities in order. I work hard to finish tasks that can wait. I put unnecessary timelines and pressure on myself at the expense of peace, health and my family. I try to please everyone else even when it hurt my own family.

I think about the old saying WWJD, as I am busting my butt to mow the yard, finish this project, type that email, or please someone who doesn’t really matter.

Am I really making a difference, am I really honoring God with the way I spend my time and the impact I am making?

I “say” family comes first but as my young kids look at my marriage, are they seeing us make each other the priority? Are they seeing a healthy work life balance modeled? Do they get the feeling family comes first or family get the leftover scraps.

Do my kids feel they need to compete for my love with a cell phone, a TV or just my selfishness?

In a world filled with self help advice, my advice for any parent out there is take 5 minutes right now to look in the mirror of your soul and reflect on your life the past month.

Where have you spent your time? Is your family really the priority? How many times have you justified your own selfishness with saying your busy or you are providing?

Listen, kids don’t care how much stuff you give them, it is never enough and you can’t buy love. They don’t care if the laundry is folded or the grass is long.

I want my wife to know that she is loved and cherished because I show it! I want to be sure to say “yes” to my kids far more than I say no. I want them to know they come first! I want to make time for friendships and relationships, I want to be sure I am not only growing in my faith but sharing it as well. I want to be able to lay my head on my pillow at night and truly have “no regrets.”

I am NOT perfect, I am far from it and it is the desire to be better that causes me to continue to pursue Jesus. As I grow in my faith and my understanding of the person He has called me to be, the standard He has set, I desire to allow Him to transform me more and more daily to be less selfish and more like Him.

Don’t waste today!

Butch put his hand up.  “Can I ask one question?”

Jeff sighed.  “What?”

Butch took a step forward. “Can we speak in private? Please?”

Jeff sighed again.  “Ok, but make it snappy!”

Butch motioned for him to step into the bathroom. Jeff handed his gun to Mutt and told him to keep an eye on the others and followed Butch in and the door went shut.

In the bathroom, Butch said, “I think I can get Elle to talk.  But if we make her mad or scare her she won’t want to help us.  I know she secretly still loves me and I can sweet talk her and get information from her.  But you have to back off.  If you don’t, she will get mad and do something stupid.  And if you kill them, we’ll never know where it is, ever.  Get it?”

Jeff glared at Butch. “Fine.  But if you’re wrong, YOUR life is over. Get it?”

Butch swallowed, nodded, and opened the door.

Nothing had changed.  Relieved, Butch announced that they had come to an understanding.

Jeff patted Butch on the back, a bit harder than necessary and Butch coughed.

“Yah, a BIG understanding! Come on, Tony, we’re leaving.”

George perked up.  The door slammed and he and Elle were finally alone. “Did you hear that?”

Elle slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She was sweating.  “Whew!  I didn’t think we were going to make it that time!  Hear what?”

George slid down the wall and landed beside her.  “The big guy called the little guy Tony! That’s a little clue! I’ll call Jack in the morning and see if he knows anything. Also, I gotta call Gus and just make sure he’s ok.”

“In fact…” He pulled out his cell and dialed.  “Linda? Oh good.  You’re home.  Just checking in.  Everything ok?  Any messages?” He listened and said ‘ok’ several times and ‘take care of yourself’ and ‘see you tomorrow’ and hung up.

“They found my idiot, and Jack called, and an FBI agent called for an appointment.”

“FBI agent? Really? I wonder what that’s about.”

“We’ll know soon enough. I’m supposed to see him as soon as I am out of court tomorrow morning.”

George stood up and went over to the table to inspect the pizza. “I wonder if this is edible.”

“Well, it was really never out of the box, was it?  Just smashed to the lid?  And..  uh…  handled by Butch… ick…” Elle stood beside him, observing with distaste.

“I’m starving.  It’s been ages since my last meal.  Can we just get room service?”

Elle laughed.  You poor thing.  Yes! Of course!  Order away!”

George got on the phone and ordered enough to feed a third world country.  He hung up and grinned.  “The feast is on its way!”

Elle yawned.  “Are you spending the night?”

“Yes.  I think I should.  I’ll leave early in the morning and go home and shower before court. I hate to leave you alone. Don’t worry.  I promise to behave.”

“Of course, you do.  You know I can still take you.”

“Maybe not.  I’ve been working out.  Check out these guns!”

Elle yawned again. “Maybe another time.”

“Any time you’re ready, you’re on.”

A knock on the door kept the conversation from further banter and George went to the door.  He prepared himself once again just in case.  “Who is it?”

“Room service!”

“Yah” he thought, “I’ve heard that before..” He opened the door a crack and spied two waiters with large trays of food.  He dug in his pocket for some cash and enlarged the crack.  In déjà vu fashion, he handed out the cash and told them to put it all on the floor in front of the door.  He watched them walk down the hall and into the elevator.  Another minute passed and he opened the door and brought the food in.  He shut the door and locked it.

Elle’s eyebrows disappeared under bangs.  “How long were you planning on staying in this room??”  She surveyed the landscape.  Two double cheeseburgers, two large plates of fries, two milkshakes, two sodas, two large pieces of cheesecake, and a hot fudge sundae.  “..and a partridge in a pear tree,” she sang.

“Very funny,” George managed to say around a mouthful of cheeseburger.

Friday.

Elle opened her eyes and closed them again.  Bright morning sunshine was streaming in from every window.  Obviously, they had neglected to pull the drapes.  She opened one eye and then the other one and tried to adjust.  The other bed was empty, except for a note.  “Call you later, love G,” she read out loud.

Wondering what she was going to do today, she decided to start with breakfast.  She ordered a caramel macchiato and a bagel with cream cheese and wondered how it was that she could even be hungry. She looked over at the leftovers from last night and wondered why George didn’t have a super-sized belly ache this morning.  She chuckled to herself and wondered why she seemed to be wondering a lot lately.

Breakfast arrived and she cautiously opened the door a crack and handed out the bills she had retrieved from her purse and told them to put the tray down in front of the door.  She waited, as was this newly developed ritual, until the waiter was in the elevator, whisked her tray in, and locked the door.  She climbed back into bed and under the covers and arranged the tray on her lap.

Her cell phone rang.  It was George.  “Hey! Where are you?  Oh, still in court.  Ok.  What?  Say that again?  OK.  Just tell him the truth, ok?  We don’t need to add lying to our list of infractions.  Just get here as soon as you can.  Good luck!”

“Lovely,” she said to the empty room.  “How on earth did the FBI connect to Jack?”  She sighed.  She would know soon enough.  She drank her coffee and nibbled at her bagel, but her appetite had faded away.  She finally made herself get up and take a shower.

Dressed her new clothes, looking at herself in the mirror, she told herself she should marry George for the simple reason that he had really great taste and had the uncanny knack of getting the right size.  Weird, but wonderful.

She gathered up all of her things and straightened up the room and left a $20 bill on her unmade bed.  Ever since she was a server in a busy restaurant when she was in college, she tipped big.  She knew how hard it was to work in the service industry.  Then she went out and sat on the deck to wait for George.

When George arrived, he told her she was already checked out so they could just leave.  They didn’t even have to go into the lobby. They could just go into the parking garage from the second floor.  He was parked right by the elevator.  They put the bags in the trunk and got in the car and headed out.

George and Elle sat rigidly in their chairs.  No one was supposed to know where they are.

Whoever was at the door knocked again.  Again, they heard the words, “Room Service!”

George tiptoed to the door.  He put his whole weight against it, prepared for a body to bulldoze into the room, and then opened it just a crack.  “We didn’t order any room service!”

He opened it a little more to see a uniformed waiter standing there with a tray.  He could see the tray with the bottle and two flutes. 

“Yes sir, I know!  Standard procedure for all of our guests when they arrive.  Complements of the house.

George reached in his pocket for some bills and opened the door just a bit further.  He thanked the server, handed him the bills and told him to set the tray down on the floor in front of the door. 

“Elle, come over here and keep your eye on the hallway, while I bring this in.”

Elle obeyed.  George set the tray on the table and went back to assure himself that the door was locked up tight.

“We’re not going to drink that, are we?” Elle peered into the top of the champagne bottle. It looked sealed, but who could tell?  She turned it upside down.  A little drop of liquid landed on the tray.  Then another one.  She looked over at George, who was staring at the drops on the tray. 

“Faulty manufacturing?” George asked lightly. 

“Great little stab at humor.” Elle hugged herself.  “Brr..  I’m cold…  can we turn up the heat a little?  And, George!  I just realized I have nothing!  No toothbrush, no clothes!”

“I’ll go down to the gift shop and get you some stuff.”

She smiled at him.  “I am so sorry I’ve dumped you into this mess.  You’ve been so great and so patient.”

“Elle, you know how I feel about you.  You know I would do anything for you.  I will stand by you. Remember that.  And don’t worry.  I’m not going to force you to love me back.  I’m just glad to hang with you.”

“George, you are a gem.”

“I know. “He smiled and grabbed the room key.  “I’ll be back,” he said, Terminator style.

Elle laughed.  “OK, Arnold!”  she replied in that same tone.

George shut the door on his way out and she could hear him whistling down the hall.   

Elle pulled back the bed spread of the nearest of the two queen size beds and yanked off the blanket underneath.  “Hmmm…  soft!” she thought, “and beautiful sheets!  They look like bamboo.  How nice!” She wrapped the blanket around her and returned to the easy chair. Reverting to habit, she sat sideways in the chair, kicked off her flip flops and pulled her bare feet up under her.  Warm and cozy, she stared with half-closed eyes at the river.  A yacht floated lazily by and she dozed.

She was bolted out of her reverie by George’s arrival with several shopping bags. 

“Look what I brought you!  See if these are ok.”  He began emptying the bags out onto the bed.  Elle watched as the items tumbled out:  black yoga pants, black and white shimmery tunic top, black velvet hair band with a little jewel on one side, one package of underwear, an oversized bright red T-shirt,  a bag of some sort of chocolate, two bottles of diet Pepsi, tooth brush, tooth paste, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, comb, brush, hairdryer, and a smaller bag of little objects.  Elle looked in the bag of chocolate.

“Ohhh!  Are these maple truffles?  Yum!  And what’s in this little bag?  Oh, George, mascara?  Blush? Lipstick?”   She was laughing.  “You know that the hotel room probably has a hair dryer?  But, oh, George, you are an angel!”

George grinned.  “I know that.  I am relieved to know that YOU know that!” He felt his stomach. “Do you hear those rumblings?  I am starving!  How about some room service?  Or a pizza?  What will you have mademoiselle?  I am at your service.”

Elle felt an unusual surge of love for this guy.  She’d always loved him, but like a brother.  He’d always been there for her at the end of every failed relationship.  She’d always shied away from a romance with him because there was always the possibility of it turning out badly and that would just devastate both families.  And she would die without George in her life.  She mentally smacked herself in the head and silently told herself to shut up.

“Uhh, I think Pizza!  Yes!  Pizza!” 

George pulled out his cell phone.  Then he stopped.  “Hmm…  Maybe I should use the landline…”  He looked up the number on his cell and then dialed with the hotel land line.  Stuffed crust pepperoni and olive, bread sticks, and giant chocolate chip cookie ordered, he hung up the phone just as his cell phone rang. 

“Hey, Georgie!  Are you ok?  Oh, good.  What did you get?  Yah?  Oh, that is great!!!  Did you run it all out to Jack?  Oh, Good man!!!  I owe you big time!!!  What?  Oh, yes, of course!  Topgolf.  You name the day!  It’s a deal!  Thanks, man!

George flopped in the other chair next to Elle.  “Are you ok?”

She smiled at him.  You are working overtime to make sure, arent’ you?”

“It’s no big deal.  We’re in this together.  Even if we weren’t, we still would be.”

Elle laughed.  “I can’t believe I get that, but I do!

A loud knock on the door froze them into silence.

“Oh,” George whispered, “pizza…  But just to be safe…” he grabbed an unopened sack from the pile on the bed and pulled out what looked like a gun.

“George!” Elle shrieked.

“Shhhhhh!!!”  George hissed.  “It’s just a taser!”  He tiptoed to the door and listened.  “Who is it?” 

“Pizza!!!”  came the response.

George flung the door open and three men blew like a hurricane into the room.

Elle screamed and George landed on the floor squeezing the taser trigger with his eyes shut. 

“Aaaarrrgh” they heard from the lucky recipient of the 50,000 volts.

When George opened his eyes, Jeff was on the floor convulsing.  Mutt was staring down at him in horror.  Butch was kneeling on the floor attempting to breathe life back into the pizza which was permanently attached to the inside cover of the box.  Elle was on the floor on the other side of the bed. 

“You’ve killed him!!” Mutt grabbed George by collar of his shirt and screamed again down into his face, “You’ve killed him!” 

George’s face turned slightly green and he turned his head to the side to escape some serious stinky breath. 

He pushed Mutt away and said disgustedly, ‘He’s not going to die!”

“He might wet his pants, though and what a tragedy that would be.’ Elle oozed sarcasm.

George managed to get to his feet and headed over to where Butch was still trying to save the pizza. He grabbed a fist full of Butch’s shirt. “Man, you have caused more trouble for more people in one day than Attila the Hun did in his whole career!!  What is the matter with you?  Do you have any inkling of how much trouble you are in??”

Butch stepped back and slapped George’s hand off his shirt.  “It’s none of your business, Buster.  Stay out of the this!”

Ell pointed her finger at Butch.  “He’s in it right along with you because of your foolishness, Butch, and he’s right.  You are in deep doo doo mister.”

Jeff had finally come out of his little charged up episode and he was angry.  “Enough of the chatter,” he bellowed. “This is the end of the road for all of you!  Give us the black book and do it right now!  All of you get over to that side of the room.  Move!!  Who has the book?  I am asking for the last time!  I’m going to count to ten and Butch goes first.”

***DRAFT. AWAITING FINAL EDIT.

” Where is your car?” George whispered, trying to be quiet, his voice still echoing in the stillness of the parking garage.

“Here. Level twelve.” Elle whispered back.

“I’m down on Level six. I’ll walk you to your car and then I’ll meet you at the Motel 6 in the Wilson Street Mall.”

“Why are you way down there?” Elle whispered.

“I need the exercise!  I can’t eat those maple bars and scones every day if don’t move around a little bit.”

George tucked Elle in her car and watched her begin her trip down twelve stories to the street. Berating himself for not getting in with her to make sure she got as far as his car in safety, he got back in the elevator and pressed the button for six.

Elle, nervously tapped the steering wheel waiting for her turn to pay. She practically threw her ticket and money at the attendant who deftly caught it all mid-air.

“Whoa, there, pretty lady! Are you in a hurry?” He grinned at her.

“Sorry! Yes, actually I am! So, if you don’t mind?” Elle tried smiling back, but her lips were dry and stiff.

He handed back her change and hit the button for the arm to go up and she scooted on through.

Weaving in and out of traffic, she suddenly realized she could be drawing attention to herself so she adjusted her speed and tried to drive more sedately. She chuckled to herself. As if a red Hummer didn’t already turn heads. She continued agonizing about how her life had been upended in the twinkling of an eye. Why couldn’t she have left Butch the Beast years ago? Why did she hang on for so long? Why did she allow him to torture her? Why had she subjected herself to that for so long? Why hadn’t she noticed anything peculiar? Why? Why? Gahhh!!!

She pulled into the parking lot of the little Motel 6 and looked for George’s Mustang. “Yah we’re really incognito now,” she said dryly. “No one will notice a bright red perfectly refurbished (for a mere forty thousand dollars) 1969 Ford Mustang convertible, parked next to a bright red giant Hummer. Why did I decide I wanted a Hummer? What am I? Some sort of week-end warrior? Gahh!! “

She turned off the ignition and opened the door and attempted to get out. Oh, seatbelt. She frowned. Note to self: unlatch seat belt BEFORE leaving the car. “Get a grip, girlie!” she whispered, and climbed down.

George was waiting for her. “Are you ok?”

“I guess so. I’m kinda numb. I just can’t wrap my head around this.”

Butch’s voice behind them kicked the fear into full gear. George and Elle’s heads spun around in tandem, their shock visible. George put his arm around Elle and pulled her tight against him.

“What are you doing here?” George glared at him.

Butch laughed. “Well look at you two! Aren’t you all cozy? How long has this been going on, Elle? Is this who you spend time with when I’m not around? Are you two-timing me, Elle? That could get dangerous, you know. I never believed you two were just friends. That was always a load of bullshit!”

“I have never been unfaithful to you, you big beast! But just to clarify, you and I are finished! Fini! Fertig! Finalizada! Your belongings are all in trash bags in the living room. You have 3 days to go get them and be gone out of my life and then I call the Sheriff. And by the way, I arranged a restraining order.”

“Hold on. Wait a minute! There is no need to go on like that. I would never hurt you! Would I?” It almost sounded like Butch was whining! Weird.

Elle laughed. “Want to see some scars?”

She looked at George. “I can’t stay here. The Beast can’t know where I am.”

“Elle! Wait a minute. I need to talk to you — ALONE.”

“No! George is my attorney. I don’t keep secrets from him.”

“Ok. Fine. I’ve lost something and it’s very valuable. I really need to find it.”

“Well, if you weren’t such a slob, you might have less trouble keeping track of things.”

“I’m looking for a little book. A small thin notebook. It has some important notes in it and I can’t lose it or my life could be in danger.”

“Why would I know anything about that?”

“Please, Elle, you gotta help me!”

“Oh this is cute. You beat me up one day and beg for help the next! You’re a funny guy, there ol’ Butch!!!”

“Please, Elle, I am not kidding. I cannot lose that book!!”

“Ok, Butch, go ahead and go to the house and look for it. And when you’re done, take all your trash bags with you and leave the key. And be gone out of my life! You have sucked everything out of me. I am a shell. My heart and soul are just empty little boxes. Just go away.”

“Thanks, Elle.” Butch walked backwards away from them and as he approached his car he yelled his thanks one more time.

“Ugh.” Elle made a face. “Why is he being so pleasant? It’s weird.”

George took her arm and marched her back to her car. “We need to find someplace to hide your rig. It’s too noticeable. Follow me. I’m going to figure out where to hide that thing.”

Elle followed George for several minutes and was surprised when he entered the freeway. She dutifully followed all the way to the airport. She continued behind him as he turned into the long-term parking area.

“Good Old George! ” she said out loud. “So smart!” She drove around looking for a good place to park and spied a big red van with an empty space beside it. “Perfect!” she thought. She placed her ticket on the dash as instructed, hit the door lock on her key fob, got out and slammed the door.

She hopped in the Mustang and they roared out of the lot and out onto the freeway. She dug in her bag for her sunglasses and put them on so she could stop squinting in the bright sun. She checked the glove box for something to keep her hair out of her face and discovered her old black scarf. She grabbed it, tied it on her head, and looked over at George. He was smiling

“How many other girls have worn this scarf?” Elle teased.

“Are you kidding? No woman is allowed to sit in that seat, let alone wear that scarf!”

“Why, George! Are you still carrying a torch for me?”

“That’s none of your business! Can we please concentrate on the problem at hand?”

“Oh! Yes! Of course! So sorry!”

“So we need to find a hotel and you need to check in with a fake name and stay there and don’t leave the room for any reason.”

Keeping one eye on his rear view mirror he drove the speed limit and took the downtown exit. He wound his way around the business district and then turned back down towards the cluster of shops and restaurants, and just beyond that were several hotels. He turned into one of the parking lots and parked in a heavily populated area.

They walked in and were greeted by the man at the desk. They tried to register Elle with her fake name, but the desk clerk said they couldn’t because he needed valid I.D. with a credit card. George told the clerk that he would pay, but Elle pulled out some cash from her bag and handed it over and the clerk accepted it. Elle wanted Holly Go Lightly for her fake name, but George said that was too obvious. They decided on Billie Gondorff. George knew it was useless to try to talk her out of it since the Sting was one of her favorite movies.

At last they were high up in the hotel in a room over looking the river. George pulled out his cell phone and made a call.

“Georgie! How are ya? What are you doing? Oh.. do you have time to do me a little favor? Oh, good. I need you to take your finger print set and go to my office and dust the inside of the front door. I’ll explain it later, but there were some really weird characters in my office earlier today and I don’t know who they are. What? Yes, Georgie, a lot of my clients are weird characters. Very funny. Could you go right away this afternoon? Excellent! Call me when you’re done. Thanks! You’re a good man, Charlie Brown!”

Then he made another call.

“Extension 4041 please. Thank you… Jack? Oh, good, you’re there. I have a huge favor. Yes, I promise. Whatever you want. Yes, yes, the Pineapple Express at Dick’s Primal. Georgie is dusting the inside of the front door of my office right now. A couple of very strange men burst in this morning with guns blazing. I think they are connected to Elle’s ex, Butch. But I need names and soon. Yes. I told him to call me as soon as he is finished. I am going to have him deliver it all to you and you only. See if you can bring anything up? Yes. Thanks, man.”

Elle felt safe for the moment. George didn’t really want to leave her. They sat in overstuffed chairs that the hotel staff so kindly arranged in such a way that guests could relax, allow the stress of the day to fade, and soak up the spectacular view. But the stress of the day wasn’t fading. They were both wound tight.

There was a loud knock at the door. “Room service!” said a voice.

They looked at each other. “Elle, did you–?

“NO! I didn’t! Did you–?

“NO! I didn’t either!

The telephone kept ringing.

Elle looked across the desk at George, who had apparently gone deaf. He seemed mesmerized by that envelope.

The phone continued to ring.

There was a loud knock on the door. They both jumped again like spooked cats. George’s secretary’s head appeared in the crack of the doorway. George finally tore his eyes away from the envelope and looked up.

“It’s Judge Nickerson’s office. She says it’s urgent.”

“Ok, thanks, Linda.” He squeezed the bridge of his nose, shut his eyes for a moment in an effort to return to the current reality, and lifted the receiver.

Trying not to eavesdrop, Elle studied her toenail polish while she waited, and was reminded once again of the necessity to make an appointment for a pedicure. She’d smeared the polish on her big toe getting into the car after her last appointment and she’d had to live with that goof-up all this time. She yawned, stood up and stretched and wandered out to say hi to Linda.

Linda smiled. “How are you, Elle?”

“I’ve been better. I’m finally kicking Butch to the curb. I am so done with him!”

“Oh I am so glad! Now, can you finally wise up and marry my brother?”

Elle laughed. “He certainly doesn’t hide his feelings!”

Linda laughed too. “Our dads sure would be pleased, wouldn’t they?”

Elle nodded. “My dad would be relieved! Your dad would be happy!”

“It would make things so much more fun on our family winter ski trips and summers at the lake. Butch made everything so awkward.” Linda put her hand over her mouth. “Oh. Sorry. That wasn’t very nice.”

Elle sighed. “But it is true and we all know it. By the way, What are you girls doing this weekend while our dads are hunting?”

“Shopping and lunch! Wanna go? Thirsty Lion?”

“Ohhhh… how you tempt me! Yes!! I wanna!

Elle heard George saying good-bye. “I’ll let you know.”

She waved at Linda and went back into George’s office.

George hung up and sighed.

“They’ve moved a court date for one of my clients and I need to be ready to go tomorrow morning at ten. And guess what? They can’t find the idiot. They’ve put out an APB. Could I ever just have an intelligent client for once??”

“Hmph! Does that include me??”

“Oh, Elle, of course not. You don’t count. I mean, you are in a class all by yourself!”

“Well, if you would stop taking all these pro bonos… What do you expect when you defend the flotsam and jetsam of humanity?”

“Sure,” he said, “I’ll just take a moment and give each client the Wechsler. Will that be satisfactory?”

“Perfect!” Elle laughed. “But I’m wondering just how many of your clients could actually finish the test — let alone pass it.”

“How about I just advertise in the Mensa Newsletter?”

“Uh.. do they have one?” Elle looked at her phone. “I’ll just google it and see… well! Would you believe? They do! It’s a magazine called the Mensa Bulletin! I wonder if you can subscribe if you’re not a member… Hmmmm… “

“Elle, I was just kidding. I like what I do, in spite of the prevailing insanity and lunacy. In the mean time… could we talk about this envelope?”

“No. Let’s not. Gahh! Why don’t you stick that thing in your safe so I don’t have to look at it.”

He stood up and turned to go to the safe. He paused and looked at Elle. “Turn your back. You can’t see this.” He headed towards the door behind his desk and entered his private suite.

His dad and Elle’s had started the law firm years ago and had been partners. The firm took up the entire 12th floor of a prominent downtown sky scraper. Elle’s dad had designed the office to include a library, conference room, classroom for the occasional clerk from the law school, and two large offices with a private suite in each. The suites each had a spacious full bath, a small kitchen and a pleasant living area with several comfortable couches. Just inside the door to the suite was what looked like an ancient steam heater. It was actually the safe.

“Oh, George, I don’t care about the combination to your safe. Don’t be ridiculous. Ok. Fine. See? Turning my back. Why don’t you just shut the door so I can’t see? ” She stood up and turned to face the other way. She could hear the little buzzing noises of the dial going back and forth and then the clang of the door opening. And then, the door slamming shut and the dial spinning. George came back into the office closing the door behind him.

Suddenly there was a commotion in the outer office and a scream. George sprinted to the door and listened for a moment before flinging the door wide open. Elle stood in the middle of the room frozen.

Linda was on the floor behind her desk and there were two men standing center stage with guns pointed at George.

“Linda! Are you hurt?”

“N-n-no!” her little squeak came from under her desk.

George stretched all the way up to his six foot four inch height. “What is going on out here?” he boomed with a confidence he did not feel.

The men were both wearing black Fedoras, expensive charcoal gray Brioni suits and black Gucci loafers. Elle stifled a nervous laugh. She wondered if Elliot Ness was out in the corridor. Was there a 1929 Chrysler waiting at the curb? And funnier, one was short and one was tall… it reminded her of the Sting.. ‘Hi ya Mutt… Hi ya Jeff!’ She bit her lip to keep the nervous giggles from slipping out.

The short guy pointed at Elle. “You must be Elle. Butch said you were pretty, but he didn’t really do you justice! We thought we might find you here. Ol’ Butchie Boy has always suspected there was something going on between you two. Heh.. Heh.. Heh… All we need now is to find Butch. You’ll have to tell us where he is. So, be a nice pretty girl and tell us what we want to know.”

Elle stopped chuckling. The cold fingers of fear began to clutch her heart. She took a few steps back away from the door and tried to speak with calm assurance, but her words came out in little gasps. “Why do you need to find him?”

George stepped in front of her. “Just wait a minute, Elle.”

He turned to the two men. “Just what are your intentions?”

Mutt spoke again. “You’re really not in a position to be the one asking questions, are you? It seems that I am the one with the gun, just to clarify things.”

George took a tiny step backward. “Of course. Please go ahead.”

The front door burst open and a voice screeched “Goooooood Morrrrrrnning!!!!!!!”

There was a gun shot and George yelled, “Hit the deck!”

Coffee and donuts flew everywhere and bodies hit the floor.

Elle lay still, her eyes shut, her hands on her head, wondering if that guy must have been startled by Gus and accidentally pulled the trigger. She wondered if anyone was dead or injured and was relieved to hear Linda whimpering (she hoped it was Linda) and a loud “ouch” from Gus, which meant that at least those two were alive. Then came the sound of running feet and the door opening and and slamming shut. If those were the gangsters running away, she wondered if they had decided it would be just too messy to shoot them all. After all, they seemed to need information so killing them all wouldn’t be that helpful. Poor Gus. Poor unsuspecting Gus. Poor Gus that may have saved their lives!

Elle raised her head and breathed a deep sigh of relief. George was alive and sitting up, looking at Gus. She decided then and there she would stop getting after George for eating donuts every day, since he never seemed to gain an ounce anyway, no matter what he put in that bottomless pit.

“George! Thank God, you’re alive! And thank God we’re all alive!”

George pointed across the office. “The filing cabinet is dead.”

They all looked and sure enough, there was a gaping bullet hole in the vintage oak file cabinet.

“Gus, are you ok?” George crawled over to where Gus was still face down on the carpet, surrounded by George’s standing order of two Maple Bars, two Blueberry scones, one Caramel Macchiato, and for Linda, one sugar free lemon poppy seed muffin and a skinny latte.

Gus groaned and looked up at George. “This is going to cost you extra, George.” He rolled over to reveal two smashed venti coffee cups stuck to his shirt surrounded by a very large coffee colored stain, through which one could just barely make out “Gus, the Pastry Guru” embroidered in red on his shirt pocket. There was a very flat maple bar stuck to his forehead.

Elle hurried over to Linda to help her up and see if she was ok. George managed to arrange Gus awkwardly on the couch while he went to get some paper towels. When he came back, Gus was staring into space, a bit overwhelmed by the events of the past few minutes. George removed the maple bar and tossed it with a sad farewell into the waste basket. He was starving. He wiped the gooey maple frosting from Gus’ forehead with a wet paper towel and dried him off with a second dry one.

“Gus, can you navigate?”

Gus groaned again and got to his feet. “I’m going to need a stiff drink before I go.”

“You can’t drink! It’s still morning! Isn’t it?” Elle looked at her Fitbit. “Well… it’s almost lunch time. I need to go home. Wait. I don’t think I am going home. Maybe I’ll take a vacation. To Pluto. ” She looked at George. “What am I going to do? Who do you think those men were?”

“Well, I doubt they were Jehovah’s Witnesses.” He grinned.

“Very funny.” Elle frowned at him. “How can you make light of this situation? We came pretty close to death!”

“I’m leaving,” Gus announced. “I’ve got more orders to deliver and now I am way behind!” He flapped his hand at them and as he stepped outside, he bellowed, “That smorgasbord on your carpet is going on your bill, George! AND laundry services!”

George flapped his good bye to the closing door and said, “Yah, yah, I know… the last thing you expected was a couple of hoodlums with guns…”

Elle was helping Linda out from under her desk. “What am I going to do, George?”

“I think we should check you into a hotel with a fake name, at least until we can figure out who those men are and what they want.”

“You and I both know what they want.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions, yet, Elle. Grab your purse. We’re going down the back way. Linda, lock up the office and take the rest of the day off. Don’t go straight home. Here is a hundred dollars. Stop at the mall and go shopping and then take a different way home.”

George and Elle went back into his office and out his private door and down the hall to the parking garage.